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28 February 2005 @ 07:56 pm
Here is the deal  
I have panic disorder. (If lanternlad is reading, he'll remember it I'm sure.) I thought it was under control with medication. It wasn't. I'm in a lucid period right now, which is why I'm able to sound so rational. Believe me, I'm not. I've had multiple acute panic attacks every day since Wednesday.

Most of what I'll be posting in my LJ is going to be dealing with this for the foreseeable future, as I go to therapy and try to get better. I'm not going to hold back anything, so I'm going to lock these posts. If you want to be on the filter, comment and let me know.

Thank you, everyone who's offered me help. I promise I'm going to do everything in my power to get better.
 
 
 
Jess Nevinsratmmjess on February 28th, 2005 05:05 pm (UTC)
Please include me. I hope there's something I can do to help.
LLL's Heartfelt Wish: Sizzlinmuse_neko on February 28th, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you've been feeling poorly. If you ever need to talk (or rant) at work, please let me know.
eaceac on February 28th, 2005 05:28 pm (UTC)
If you feel confortable with me in the filter, I'm certainly willing to listen.

Dana: love-a-lotthirdsouthobbi on February 28th, 2005 05:59 pm (UTC)
You know I care about you, hon. *hugs tightly* Feel free to add me to it if you want me to know.
Madame Blue aka Pygmentsweetmmeblue on February 28th, 2005 06:01 pm (UTC)
I'm with ya through it hon.

*hugs*
Music is my radarfeels_like_fire on February 28th, 2005 06:01 pm (UTC)
Include me, and I think I speak for K and C in that they'll want to be included too. *hugs*
Fenrissfenriss on February 28th, 2005 06:04 pm (UTC)
Hi, sweetie. Please include me in the filter? I want to be as helpful as I can.
Pouncer: snuggly kirbythepouncer on February 28th, 2005 06:57 pm (UTC)
I've had a panic-stricken episode or two myself in my time. I'd love to hear how you're doing, which I hope will be splendedly.
High-velocity pie of death: callanishnixieq on February 28th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC)
count me in, and sending you lots of good energy. and don't forget to pet saffie... studies have shown that petting animals lowers the blood pressure, after all! >;)
Mearimeari on February 28th, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC)
*hugs tightly* I'd like to be included if you want me.
(Anonymous) on February 28th, 2005 10:19 pm (UTC)
Panic Attacks
I remember them. I remember how you'd just freeze up and start panicking. How you'd start muttering and freaking out... I wish I could have helped you with them instead of causing them... Ironically, besides medication, I have learned that exercise is a key factor in defeating them. (The strange things I remember from nursing school.) Exercise increases endorphin production, which gives one that feeling of "all is well", which is what you probably need. (Chocolate and marijuana also increase endorphin production, but have their own drawbacks. Besides you have to eat approx. 25lbs of chocolate to equal 1 joint - our tax dollars at work :))

Also love, you might just try staying away from the stimuli that cause the attacks (politics, enviromental, etc. issues) for a while. I know it may be hard, as such things are so important to you the are almost addictive, but you always had a way of owning all the negative energy in your life - wether it was your responsibility or not. Don't get me wrong, your wanting to fix everything is very noble, but you are not God, you are human, and must learn to let some things go. Remember the old prayer "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Sounds trite, and I'm sure you've heard it all before, but sometimes simple knowledge put into practice avails much. When you get panicky, take a jog or two around the house, or a brisk walk while at work, or something similar. Turn your frantic emotional energy into frantic physical energy, and then let it out. I know you know how to do this. I'm sure Rob does too. :) Maybe put him to work, I'm sure he'll oblige. :) Not kidding - orgasms raise endorphins too. Just being scientific. Write this information and any information which helps you down on a card or something to carry with you and refer to when the attacks hit. (I know how hard it is to think when they hit)
Also, here's a link.

http://www.anxietyandstress.com/sys-tmpl/dealingwithpanic/

These people are close by to you. Maybe you know of them.

Good luck, love. If there is anything I can do to help, you know where I am.

lanternlad
Elle: I want to go hometheletterelle on March 6th, 2005 08:42 am (UTC)
Re: Panic Attacks
Darlin guy, first of all, you were not the cause of the panic attacks. Don't take that on yourself. They happened before I ever knew you, so you were no more the cause than Rob is. It's a physiological thing, and I didn't have the professional help I needed to deal with the mental part of it. I remember you helping me through them, and doing the best you could with what must have been a terrifying thing to see. And you never made me feel guilty or wrong for having them. In that way, you were a good boyfriend and a good friend.

In the midst of a bad attack, I can't move, so I'm not sure exercise is a help there. But I'm going to therapy (a GOOD therapy, not that crappy talk therapy I dragged you to) to learn tools to deal with attacks. And in the meantime, I'm going to be changing my life rather dramatically-- but it feels right, and I believe it will work. And it's not anything totally wacky like moving into the middle of the woods and eating leaves. :) I think you'll be interested, and I think you'll have some good suggestions to help out.

*pokes you* And if you get an LJ, I can include you in my panic filter, and you will get the news as it happens... :)
Elle: Like the sun through the blindstheletterelle on March 6th, 2005 08:46 am (UTC)
Re: Panic Attacks
Also, thank you very much for that link. Their advice is right on. I'm searching for a therapist, and I'll definitely give these guys a call. That's a huge help, so thank you.
Becca Abbottbeccaabbott on March 1st, 2005 02:13 am (UTC)
Count me in with the support network, sweetie. ^_^
Jenkierajeng on March 1st, 2005 06:27 am (UTC)
Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, 'k? {{{hug}}} (And please include me on the filter.)
sunnyaurora on March 1st, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
Aww you sound like such a sweet person and it sucks that such horrible things happen to such sweet people. I would love to be able to read your future posts and see how life is. If you need anyone to talk to auroraginz@yahoo.com