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21 December 2004 @ 12:50 pm
Goals  


Last year I spoke with a friend of my uncle's, who is head of the legal department of a health care organization. We discussed me coming down there and possibly working for them as an attorney. I told her at the time I was interested, but not ready to leave my position to move back to Central Florida. We left it at a mutually amicable "Okay, then."

Last weekend, my uncle and my mother were out, and ran into her. My uncle introduced them, and mentioned me. According to my mother, she said she was quite impressed with me, and if I ever wanted to come down there, there would be a job for me.

No hard numbers are being thrown about. But it's extremely likely that, if I took advantage of this, I'd end up with a $40,000 raise. And that gives me pause.

There are cons. I don't know if I'd like being an attorney. From what I've seen of attorney work at the firm, it's hard and requires a massively thick skin, which I don't have. It's time-consuming. It's horribly stressful. However, in-house counsel is generally far less stress than a firm. So.

I'd have to move back to Florida, where I grew up. It's got that "home" feeling for me, which is both a positive and negative. It's comfortable. It feels good to be there. However, it also makes me feel like a failure, like I can't make it on my own. Which is irrational, because I'd be making more there than I do here, at a more prestigious job. It's still a feeling I have.

With our family and personal connections, Rob could get a good job easily, paying quite a bit more than he makes now. I found a house online that's the right size, that's really nice, that's within walking distance from where Rob would work (he can't drive), and very close driving distance to where I'd work. This house costs less than we'd sell ours for.

There's a school for video editing in town as well, which is a career direction Rob is interested in.

The sticking point for me is... I don't think I want to be in Florida the rest of my life. Right now I want to move to Canada, but who knows if that will change. Most of my other goals seem to. If that stays a goal, though, would it be worth it to move to Florida for 2-3 years, make a lot more money (with no state income tax), save it, and be in a better financial position to move to Canada? Or would it be stupid to move for that short of a time? What if I hate it there? What if I hate my job? If we leave here, it's not likely we'd be able to afford to buy another house should we want to come back. And leaving here means leaving all the friends I've made over the last 10 years. I know I can probably make new friends. But God, that's hard.

It's extremely difficult to get Rob's opinion on this, because he's Inertia Boy. Where Rob is, he wants to stay, no matter what else is out there. He's been in the same job for almost 7 years, and in that time his salary has gone up a total of $2000. In 7 years. And he's fine with that. He has no ultimate goals in life, nowhere he wants to be in five or ten or twenty years. And when I bring up change, he gets very defensive and frightened, and just shuts down. Won't speak. I will ask him a direct question, and he won't answer. Just silence. It makes me insane.

Let me make a list.

Pros:

Lots more money
Family all around- parents, uncle&aunt, cousins, grandmother
Affordable house in good location
Nice winters
Opportunity to save lots of $ to finance future Canadian move (if it happens)
Opportunity for Rob to study for a career he likes
Not at possible Ground Zero for terrorist attack.
Will be left-wing in a swing state, and can spread the gospel of liberalism to others
Will be able to work grassroots for change in the FL Democratic Party


Cons:

I hate the heat and lack of seasons.
Can't move back to DC if things don't work out (or not without substantial financial loss)
Will be away from close friends
I might hate my job
I might suck at my job
Rob will be incredibly grouchy and unenthusiastic about the whole thing
Feeling of not being able to make it on my own, returning to the womb


I could handle all the cons if it was just for a few years, I think. But is it worth it for just 2-3 years?
 
 
 
Dana: ed sloan 2thirdsouthobbi on December 21st, 2004 10:39 am (UTC)
I think it would be a big chance for you both, but it doesn't seem like one you should pass up. Not to me, anyway. *hugs* Do what's best for the both of you, even if if it just for a couple of years.

Wanna know the funny thing? I'm thinking of moving back to Orlando in a couple years to do another internship and then maybe one on the Cruise Line. *G*

*hugs*
(Anonymous) on December 21st, 2004 10:54 am (UTC)
I am always in favor of a life in which one regrets the things one did rather than the things one did not do. Even though this would put you farther away I think you should go for it. Money, esp. a good deal of it, makes many things easier, including travel to see distant friends, getting more education to redirect your careers, and saving up enough that you can move in a few years. I agree that it's important to put enough distance between yourselves and the 'rents to keep your sanity but that shouldn't be a blocker in this case, I think.

--wex
And The Clocks Were Striking Thirteen: This Is My Brain Over-Heating_redpanda_ on December 21st, 2004 11:10 am (UTC)
Ow. That's a tough one. But I agree that it's better to take the chance for a few years (don't put your roots down too deep!) than to always wonder if you should have...and the more money you can pout towards your dream, the better! I can't even imagine having that much more cash in a year. *boggles*
Jess Nevinsratmmjess on December 21st, 2004 11:55 am (UTC)
That's a tough one, especially when your partner won't be helpful about it. But $40K a year is a *lot* of money, and can improve your lives in a lot of ways. While Rob might be unhappy about it, the move will be for his own good, and yours. Even if you only go for a couple of years, you'll still be able to save a lot of money. And if you both really hate it down there, you can move back to DC after a couple of years.

I say go for it.
Tyellastyellas on December 21st, 2004 01:32 pm (UTC)
For the financial benefit, I would say yes.

A few other ideas:
Can you rent out your house in DC to cover its mortgage, instead of selling it, and rent in Florida? This way, if you decide Florida really sucks, you can move back, and if you decide in a few years Canada is for you, you can sell it then.

If your partner is this resistant to a move within the U.S., what will he be like regarding a move outside the U.S.? Perhaps the latter seems more "pipe dream" like to him, so he's not reacting as strongly - but when it comes around it will be just as real. I emphasize this as a possible problem because immigrant couples who move to NZ who don't have children tend to break up frequently - the move and separation highlights any existing differences. His shutting down is an extraordinarily bad sign, to me, and I worry.
Psychedjpsyche on December 22nd, 2004 05:26 am (UTC)
I think it could be worth it, definitely.
One suggestion is that instead of selling your house (right away), rent it out. That would cut down on the financial loss if things in Florida didn't work out and you ended up moving back to Maryland. If things DO work out, then you can put it on the market and buy one in Florida.

I totally understand your feelings on the "but I escaped from that place!" issue. I don't think you'd get me back to North Carolina for any amount of money, but then I absolutely hated it there. Did you hate Florida, or just want something better/a change? If the latter, then change your attitude from "I can't make it out in the big world" to "I'm returning a triumphant conquering hero. Hail me!"

Good luck -- sounds like a great opportunity!