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29 June 2006 @ 01:11 am
 
So.

Chronologically--

Last Thursday, I went to a meeting of the county Democratic Executive Committee. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I hoped there might be a few people there, and I could find out what's going on politically, maybe do a little networking. Turned out there were 20-30 people, and that was a low turnout! It's way more active than the DFA meetings I attended in Maryland, and there were a LOT of people my age. I clicked instantly with these people. Everyone was really friendly, we talked and talked after the meeting, and then went out for drinks.

We all talked more. We danced. I made friends with Jeremiah, who's running for state senate, and his campaign manager. I became a volunteer staffer-- my title is "Research Director." Which is awesome. :) Friday, I went to Jeremiah's office. He's a solo attorney with a small office a mile away from my house. We discussed issues, and he gave me a questionnaire from a police group so I could do background research on those issues.

Jeremiah's only been solo since October. Before that, he was with the public defender's office. His sister is in charge of one of the divisions. He said there should be absolutely no problem in my getting a job there. Because I'm a member of the Maryland bar, I can become a Certified Legal Intern, which basically means I can be a public defender as long as I'm supervised by someone in the office while I'm in court, and I'm signed up to take the Florida bar. And afterwards, Jeremiah said, he'd love to take me on as a partner. Our strengths supplement each other-- I am all over the research, and he just wants to take the info and run with it. It works perfectly.

Fast forward through to Monday. I've finished the questionnaire, email it to him, and get an email back saying it's perfect. On Tuesday, I go to his office to give him some background material to read, and to talk about the answers. I'm a bit to the left of him, but not that far. While we're talking, he calls up the PD's office and gets me an interview that afternoon.

I race home. I eat, I change, I do makeup, print out my resume, and jump in the car. I'd told him I wasn't counting on the job, because I'm so used to getting shafted, but he insisted I'd be able to start the next day, probably.

Interview. It's long. It goes well. Interviewer starts talking salary and benefits. Salary's between half and three-quarters what I was making in DC, but oh well. Benefits are good.

Then it comes to the fine print. In order to be hired, I have to be signed up to take the bar the next time it's offered. Which is at the end of July. The deadline to apply was May 1. Far too late to get an application in now. The deadline being past doesn't matter-- if I work there, I have to take the next bar. Therefore, I can't be considered until the July exam is over. And then, well, the new spring graduates have been given offers, and they don't know whether they'll need anyone or not. They usually start needing people in November, December... I shouldn't stop job-hunting, the interviewer says.

I wasn't counting on this job. I honestly wasn't. But I'm facing the future with an increasing sense of bleakness, and with money dwindling.

Jeremiah promises to pay me if he needs me to do research for clients. That's fine, but it's not a definite. I need there to be money now.

If I could get a temp job for a couple months, I'd be fine. I could hang on for a while longer, get on at the PD, and eventually become an actual lawyer. Yes, I know I've been fighting against that. But really, my options are running out. There doesn't appear to be a lot here that I can do and make money. At least if I were Jeremiah's partner, I'd get to mostly do research, I'd make a decent living, have my name on the letterhead, the whole deal. I'd feel successful. I'd feel good about the work I do. I'd be working close to home.

Basically, I'm just sick of uncertainty. I'm sick of being told my resume is great, I'll have no problem finding a job, and not being able to find anything. I'm sick of going on interviews for jobs I don't even want, and feeling hurt when I'm not chosen. I want to settle here. I want to be connected.

I have another interview for a part-time librarian job next week. I'm supposed to call someone else tomorrow to see if I can make connections. But I'm having trouble believing that any of this will ever work out.

I quit my old job on July 7. I'd been trying to get a new job for at least a year before then. No matter what happens, no matter how I revise my resume or buy new suits or practice my interviewing skills, I am not hired.

I'm getting sick to death of this.
 
 
I feel: depresseddepressed
 
 
 
Fenriss: willow cagefenriss on June 29th, 2006 06:23 am (UTC)
I am sorry, my dear. That sounds deeply frustrating. I wish we could always count on "our kind of people" to be able to make it work for us. Jebus, the bad guys can count on that, can't they?!? *gah!* I think maybe that's because they have no sense of ethics. I don't know.

I have no dount that things will get better, now that you have networked with good folks. Please hang in there. E and I are pulling for you. *smooch*
Jer: Woobie - Ryanlugonn on June 29th, 2006 06:44 am (UTC)
Wow. That's amazingly sucky. I mean, after all the build-up and everything looking so positive and THEN you get the rug pulled out from under you. AGAIN! Ugh.
I so wish I could wave my magic wand and get you the job you deserve.
*Hugs*
Galestormgalestorm on June 29th, 2006 09:24 am (UTC)
I'm sorry. It sounds frustrating as hell. I hope something spectacular turns up soon -- hang in there, pass the bar, knock 'em dead, and you'll get there.
overnighter: Workinonitovernighter on June 29th, 2006 01:52 pm (UTC)
Ack. What a frustrating series of events.

I know it's not very helpful at this point, but the fact that such a tailor-made job exists has to mean that there's more, right? And that something will work out for you soon.

As far as the bar, have you passed in another state? Sometimes you can get a temp waiver until the next test is offered, and that might be enough to satisfy them until then.

Good luck! Good hunting!
DarkRiver: fiercesmolder on June 29th, 2006 02:21 pm (UTC)
That really sucks, sweetie.

I fought, struggled, weaseled and connived my way into an Inventory Management position, convinced with that on my resume I could secure my future. Turned out that only Inventory Managers with manufacturing experience are valued.

I begged, danced and tricked my way into becoming a mortgage funder. Only up here, that job description doesn't exist. It's mixed in with other things I can't do.

I know how frustrating it is, sweets. I know. But things will get better. Don't give up.
Let go Let go Let Really go: Ryan - Sad but truemaudgonne on June 29th, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC)
That really sucks, and I'm sorry you got your hopes up and then everything fell apart. And the uncertainty is the worst part.

But look -- you're making connections, people are trying to work on your behalf, and you never know what might happen as a result of that.

I'm thinking of you. You'll figure something out, I know.
High-velocity pie of death: callanishnixieq on June 29th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC)
hugs & love, babe. keep focused, and keep trying. also, keep petting the saffiedog, because it'll make both of you feel at least a little better.
lizzyjitlizzyjit on June 30th, 2006 01:28 am (UTC)
Oh man. That just sucks. At least you should only have to wait a month to reapply, right? You could reapply at PD on July 31 and you'd be within their rule (which is stupid, btw).

I wish I had advice or a magic wand.