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20 October 2006 @ 07:55 pm
This is stupid, but I don't know what to do.

I spent most of yesterday doing candidate work. I'm spending tomorrow afternoon doing candidate work. Tonight he called me up and asked me to go out for a drink at a bar near my home (with a bunch of other people). I said I would after he cajoled me. Then I called back and said no, and he said "How'd I know you were going to call back and say that?" (That would be because I nearly always don't go out with them.)

"I told you I'm not a going-out type person," I said.

"Yeah, but this is just a bar, it's not like there's going to be a bunch of people there," he said.

So great. Now I feel guilty for not going out. I don't fucking want to go out. I've been so busy this week, and I want to stay home. I get where he's coming from-- everytime we're together, it's me doing work on his campaign, and he wants to do friends things as well. That's fine. I do appreciate it.

But I don't like to go drinking. I'm bored when they talk about college sports. I want to be social, just much less often than they do. But I feel like if I keep turning them down, they're going to stop being my friends. And it's kind of pathetic, but these are the only friends I have here.

Damn it all.

PS- freak_in_need, I'm going to lie down and try to calm down, but I may end up sleeping through the night. So if you don't see me, that's why.
loracjloracj on October 21st, 2006 12:08 am (UTC)
I would suggest just telling him/them how you feel. You don't mind the occasional hang, but don't really enjoy it all the time. If you're honest, and they are decent people, then they should understand.
Elletheletterelle on October 21st, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
They're decent people, but they just don't get why I don't like going out. And I don't know how to get them to understand.

I think I might talk to him, though. Or one of the others. And try explaining, anyway.
High-velocity pie of death: aardvarknixieq on October 21st, 2006 12:40 am (UTC)
using the word "introvert" might help, actually. explaining about crowds and noise might also help (not in negative terms, but just "i don't deal well with crowds and noise -- can we do something else?"). also, i think this:

"If you want to bolster the social contact, then suggest a social situation that you might enjoy and invite him to it."

is a fabulous idea. invite him and a couple of the other people over to dinner. or for drinks. or hell, suggest a picnic in the park, now that temperatures are approaching tolerable in floridaland. (just don't sit on any fire-ant nests.)

there is absolutely no reason (other than understandable -- but stupid! grr! -- peer pressure) that you should feel compelled to join them in a situation that you KNOW will make you uncomfortable. and as (hoepfully decent-minded) adults, they ought to be able to respect that you're wired differently than they are, and your limits and interests are different.

(i know that "ought to" and "do" are often very different worlds. but i think if you follow some of the suggestions in the comments here, you'll help them to understand that it's not them, it's the setting.) (well, and the college sports, but there's really no cure for that beyond forcefully changing the subject. >;)