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06 April 2008 @ 01:28 pm
The LOLCAT Bible, let me show you it.

Real Psalm 100 (KJV):

1Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.
2Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
3Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
4Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
5For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

LOLCAT Psalm 100:

1 EVRYONE SAI YAY fr teh almity Ceiling Cat
2 Wurshop him wit teh happynez; giv him teh happy MEOWZ!
3 noe dat teh Ceiling cat is r god n he makes us n we r teh runtz0rz of t3h littaz
4 Be hapi wen he les us in ta his wurldz make him be hapi :) say YAY CEILING CAT YAY
5 Fer he iz gud nd luvs us nd he trusts uz nd stuff0rz

Song of Solomon Ch. 1, KJV translation:

1The song of songs, which is Solomon's.

2Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.

3Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee.

4Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.

5I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.

6Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother's children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.

7Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions?

8If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds' tents.

9I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots.

10Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold.

11We will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver.

12While the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof.

13A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.

14My beloved is unto me as a cluster of camphire in the vineyards of Engedi.

15Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes.

16Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.

17The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir.

Song of Solomon Ch. 1, LOLCAT translation:

1 Solomones Songz of Songz, kthx.

Teh Beluved:
2 Let him kiss me wit da kissus of hiz mouf--
for yer love be moar delitefool den cheezbugers. Srsly.

3 Yu has a flavr I likez;
yer name is like smellz poorded out.
Deh oter chikz luv yu too!

4 Take me wit yu plz, come on!
Letz go! the king bringme into hiz chamburz, k?

Teh Friendz:
We rejoice and delite in yu,
we wil praiz ur luv more den cheezburgers, rly!

Teh Beluved:
Dey be okayz to adore yu!

5 I am teh dark, but I be pritty.
Oh doters of Jehroosahlum,
dark liked the tentses of Kedar,
like teh tent curtains of Solomon. Yus, I beez dark.

6 Do notz stare at meez cause i beez dark,
becuz i be darkeneded by teh sun.
Dat jus mean. no rly, stop staring!
My moters sons beez angry wif me
and maded me do werk in teh vineyahds,
but that maded me not look afta mah own vineyahd. Dey were meanz.

7 Hey yu! Yeh, teh wun I luv, where yu grazed yur flockz
and wherez yu bring yer lazy sheepz at lunch time.
Why shood I be like teh siamcats?
next to teh flockz of yer friendz?

Teh Friendz:
8 Yu beez pritty so we helped yu. If yu dunt know
follow teh poop trailz of teh sheepz
and graze yer yung goats
by teh tents of teh shephurdz.

Teh Luver:
9 Yu are like teh horse. Wait, no! Like...
like teh onez on teh chariotz of Pharoh. Wait... I beez sry.

10 Yer cheekz are teh shiny wit shiny thingz like pomehgranitz.
Yer neck is wit strings of jewelz, en I play wit dem.

11 We will make yu teh earringz of teh gohld
wit silver studz.

Teh Beluved:
12 While teh king wuz at his tabul eating cheezburgerz,
my smellz go out.

13 My luver beez like teh sack of myrrh
I put between mah brestes. I want him der.

14 My luver beez like teh clusterz of henna blossomz
from teh vineyahdz of En Gedi.

Teh Luver:
15 Yu are teh beautifool! Darlin!
Oh, yu are teh beautifool!
Yer eyez be like littul small durty berdz.
I wants to eet dem!

Teh Beluved:
16 Yu are teh handsum, mah luver!
And yer charmin.
Our bed be teh virgin!

Teh Luver:
17 Teh beemz of our houz be cedarz
and our rahturz are ferz.
Maureen Lycaon: Fluffymaureenlycaon on April 6th, 2008 10:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, you've only just discovered it? (And wouldn't you know, that's the second book of the Bible I checked out -- the first was Genesis I.)