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09 May 2005 @ 03:07 pm
It is to cry.

Slacktivist is writing an irregular series deconstructing the Left Behind books. Disclaimer: I haven't read them. I don't want to. Anyway, in among all the "OMG these people are nuts" comments comes this gem:

I am a 14 year old christian girl and i dont understand why all you athiests are so upset about this book I mean with all the anti god books out there why not have a christian book too doesnt that make sense? And as for the treatment of women in this book just because you men are all sissy men and afraid of women and need women to approach you doesn't mean that that is how God wants it to be but you athiest types wouldnt understand that because you evolved from apes or think you did and how can someone who thinks they evolved from apes understand what jesus wants for us. I feel sorry for your daughters because I bet you raise them like the whore of babylon and do not ever let them feel the saving grace of Jesus Christs love for well behaved women because Satan has a hold of you and your children I suggest you buy them Revolve magazine before your daughters spirits are condemmed to eternal damnation in a lake of fire. You should also let them read these left behind books, they really are good if you dont approach them already filled in your heart with hate for Gods word like you atheists are and just because you want to go to hell does not mean you should sentence your daughters to the same fate by teaching them wrongly that they are equal to men, God doesn't like that and he drowneded a whole 2 cities in part because the women were not ladylike and did not want to have husbands to serve and bear children too you should be happy with what God wants for you I am.

It's funny, but incredibly sad at the same time. This fourteen-year-old has been conditioned to believe:

a) She is not equal with men.

b) Jesus only loves well-behaved women.

c) Woman's only purpose in life is to serve man and bear children.

d) All women who do not hew to this are whores.

e) All women who do not hew to this will suffer eternal torture.

And back to the funny-- the comment after that one reads:

If there's anything I learned in middle school, it's that the best way to sway people to your view is to tell them that their children are whores who will burn in hell.


Oh, thank God. It's a parody. I can laugh and not be ashamed.

Hi my name is Christina and I am a 14 year old home school student and I am going to blog for our lord and savior Jesus Christ since he is in heaven and there is no internet in heaven since internet is mostly filthy porn and athiest places that dont get into heaven.

Internet: Mostly filthy porn and athiest places that dont get into heaven. I think that needs to be an icon.

More funny comments on that thread:

If I had read these books 25 years ago, I would have just giggled and gone back to Ayn Rand, but now they leave me with this creepy feeling I can't quite shake (so does Ayn Rand, now that I think of it).

I don't need cheap Christplotation novels to tell me that the world is going to hell in a hand basket. That's why God invented blogs.

On the fear of death: But that's maybe what these "Left Behind" people fear. They don't want to die, because they're not entirely sure they'll get into heaven. They want proof, they want to see it happen while they're alive. This is why they're so insistant that they're right--because if they're wrong, if htey don't keep telling themselves that they're right, then that means they have to spend eternity in hell with the rest of us.

Not on my watch, they won't. I don't want them uglying up my nice little corner of hell.

I had a friend in college--really, a dorm mate--who revealed to me one afternoon the facts about the Rapture and her excitement for its imminent arrival. As above, I was raised Catholic so had never really heard much about it; of course, she let me know I wasn't really saved and would NOT be experiencing the Rapture with her. What's weird and sticks with me even now was her preoccupation with the destruction we poor left-behind slobs would have to deal with. She was especially excited about all the cars that would be crashing when the drivers were Taken Up. Another thing that seemed to thrill her was that her half-brother and -sister would not be participating in the Rapture as they were too young to be saved. They were being raised in a Christian manner, though, and she felt quite sure that they would lead the fight against the Antichrist and she looked forward to seeing them when they had reclaimed the earth and they were all reunited.

I thought Anne Coulter was the Whore of Babylon.

Coulter's the Babbler of Whoredom.

On the prophet Ezekiel: He also provides what is probably the dirtiest verse in the Bible, "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."

That's Ezekiel 23:20 in the NIV. (My buddy Dwight wants to get end zone tickets to a Monday Night game some day and wave a sign that reads, "Ezek. 23:20.")

A better [joke] would be if god revealed himself as Allah. And he smote them, chortling avuncularly, "Backed the wrong horse, chumps!"
Dana: all messed upthirdsouthobbi on May 9th, 2005 12:30 pm (UTC)
That's disturbing... The sad thing is that some of that is what I was taught when I became a Christian.
Elletheletterelle on May 9th, 2005 12:33 pm (UTC)
Arrrrgh. And even more disturbing is that (as I just edited in there), it's a parody.

It's terrible that that sort of thing is believable now.
Dana: ass wiggle (mimi_na)thirdsouthobbi on May 9th, 2005 01:20 pm (UTC)
I'd rather it be a parody than something someone actually wrote... But it's still incredibly disturbing.