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12 May 2005 @ 11:33 am
Hate. Hate hate hate.

There's no one major thing that's led me to throw my hands up and scream "I QUIT!" It's more like water torture, where a small drop of water echoes in my head far louder than its actual sound. I'm at the point where I just want to walk out of here.

I mean, it's not like it's a new thing, that I want to quit my job. But the frustrating thing is that there's nothing I can point to that I feel is objectively reason enough to quit. It's a million tiny things. Being bored. Being given assignments that basically consist of cutting and pasting and formatting-- I went to law school AND library school for this?? Having a "boss" who is so unconvinced of his own importance that he has to wield every tiny bit of his authority over me and others to prove it to himself. The failure to replace our real manager who left in October, which has dragged morale down so much (not that it was high to begin with). The very likely possibility that a professional librarian position will be filled with a non-MLS-- proof that management sees no necessity for librarians to be regarded as professionals. The constant need to justify our staff numbers when we're clearly overstaffed, but in all the wrong areas. The knowledge that we could do great things with the library, but we're not allowed to begin any internal projects. The sniping and whispering that goes on behind people's backs. The refusal of one staff member to speak to another. The guilt I feel when I goof around, coupled with my own impotence to accomplish anything. The knowledge that I would be so much happier at home, and would get so much more done.

If I gave notice now, I would be done here by the end of the month. That's two months sooner than I planned to quit. I could get the house in shape and on the market at least two weeks before we'd planned to. Probably more like four weeks. We'd be able to move sooner, as closing on the new house is June 20. We could move down by mid-July. Look for jobs. Get started on the new stuff rather than clinging to the old.

My own money situation would be tight. I'd have enough to get through June and maybe part of July. We have money in the joint account that would float us till we moved, and that will pay for the move.

I talked to Rob about it last night. He thinks quitting is a bad idea. I think he wants us to hold on to our jobs as long as possible. And there's no big thing I can point to and say "See! That's why I have to quit!!"

But you guys know I've been trying to for so long.

And then I wonder if I'd regret quitting. If I'll look back in three months and wish I had it this good. I don't know. I mean, I have to quit anyway. This would just be sooner. But if I quit later, I'll have more money. Also health insurance for a longer period of time.

I wonder if my constant anger is partly PMS. Maybe after my period, things won't seem so bad. If I want to be out of here by the end of the month though, I need to give notice by Tuesday.

Are all the little things reason enough to quit? Or should I suck it up and be tough?
Doe-eyed Bunnydoeeyedbunny on May 12th, 2005 09:00 am (UTC)
I say tough it out. Sucky job situations are lousy, but at least you have something to look foward to.You've got your goal in sight and I think it could work well as a carrot on a stick. Plus, more money is good, especially with moving, which always costs more than expected.
eaceac on May 12th, 2005 09:32 am (UTC)
I think you and Rob have to decide about the work/money thing vis a vis your future plans, BUT you've listed all the things I've hated about working in offices in the past, and I'm tremendously sympathetic.

This is particularly true given that I'm supposed to start looking for work again, now.
Psychedjpsyche on May 12th, 2005 09:56 am (UTC)
How many of us have wanted to just quit a crappy job? You have the perfect opportunity to do so without it looking bad on your record. You'll have plenty to be busy with over the next few months, that's for certain. There are so few opportunities to take even a month or two during the course of our LIVES for personal time. I say get started on the new stuff. Tighten your budget belts -- believe me, it CAN be done, you've no idea how much is actually "extras" until you really don't have the option -- get rid of the stress, and go for the goal!
LLL's Heartfelt Wish: Beautymuse_neko on May 12th, 2005 10:10 am (UTC)
I feel your pain (believe me). But I have to agree with your hubby. Don't hurt yourself by doing things before you're ready. I know it's tough, but you'd only be hurting yourself. You think the firm will care? Come to my office, yell and throw stuff, but stick it out until you're fully prepared to take the leap.

Mary Lewys: Holy Crusademlewys on May 12th, 2005 10:55 am (UTC)
Setting aside my own tears over not having a paycheck job from this week, I say with practicality: don't quit. You will want to move with as much money as you can pool together. Things are going to happen that you can't account for and having cash to throw at them might make things better.
Let go Let go Let Really go: Ben _ Up Against the Wall _ Sarahmaudgonne on May 12th, 2005 02:35 pm (UTC)
I have no advice to offer, just sympathy. And empathy. I feel you, with the crappy job and the guilt/impotence, as well as the boss on a power trip. I'm there, too. But! You have something great coming up, so I hope that helps.
boadiccea on May 13th, 2005 11:51 am (UTC)
I know how you feel because I went through it. When you know you're going to quit anyway, it's tempting to say "why not sooner?"

I recommend quitting when you said you were going to quit and not that much sooner, or find a compromise. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, hon. :)