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03 November 2004 @ 01:30 pm
I hurt.

I'm sitting here in tears. I can't stop crying.

I feel like I did after 9/11. I have the same feeling of shock, of helplessness, of dread and horror.

I don't understand this. How bad do things have to get before people will want change?

At this point I'm hoping I'll die in a terrorist attack. I want the country to see that this idiot man will not protect them, can't protect them.

I want to run away. But I feel that that would be abandoning the people who feel like me, but who can't afford to leave. Who aren't skilled enough to leave.

I want to go to Canada, where my values are more in line with the prevailing views. I feel unwanted here. I want things to be better for all American citizens, but I feel like too many of them actively don't want things to be better.

I wonder if this is what being a parent is like. Having your teenage child hate you, when you only want what's best for them. Has anyone on my flist had this experience? Do you want to give up and just leave?

I assume it's love for the child that would make someone stay. I don't know if I love my country that much.

What I thought was America doesn't exist. And that hurts me a lot.

I don't know whether to stay and fight what appears to be a losing battle, or to cut my losses and run.

In any case, I'm going home tonight and quilting. When I get this one done, I'm starting on a new one. I'll keep quilting for others until I run out of fabric. Because it's something good I can do. It's constructive. It's positive. And no matter how much in ruins our country is, it can't stop me from helping other people.
shadowwings on November 3rd, 2004 10:47 am (UTC)
I'm going to try my damnedest to get a teaching job. High school.

The biggest part of my job philosophy is helping to make children into informed and free thinking adults.

it's about all I can do.

And I have material if you wnat to make somehing out of it.
Dana: sold my soulthirdsouthobbi on November 3rd, 2004 10:51 am (UTC)
*hugs you tightly*

Someone in a comm I joined said that maybe the reason Kerry conceded was because Bush's father put out a hit on him. I don't know whether I should believe that or not.

But if you leave, can I come with you?

*rolls over and looks cute and fluffy*

By the by, you have a package coming to you. I mailed it out yesterday. *snugs*
Fenrissfenriss on November 3rd, 2004 11:58 am (UTC)
When I woke up this morning and looked at CNN, I was pretty much suicidally depressed. So, yeah. I totally get the "cut and run" feeling. I posted in someone else's LJ that I just can't say that I love my country anymore and mean it. I really get the depth of despair you’re feeling.

However, my Dad called me about an hour ago, and we talked about this. He's about to turn 70, and he busted his ass on this, day and night for months (he's the president of the Dem party for two counties in Central WI). He's actually doing OK today, and he explained his reasons for that. Without going on at too great length right now (I'll try to post about it in my LJ later) he basically said that, yes this is a major disappointment, but that he's seen (honestly!) situations as bad, and he believes that the strong showing Kerry pulled off even in some red states indicates that this is not actually a nation of morons. I think the perspective of his years helped me a lot.

So, all I'm saying is that maybe we need to look at this as a test of our strength. Maybe in a week's time we will start to feel a new motivation to fight. But for today, my dear one, please just take care of yourself, and ask Rob to take care of you, and mourn as you need to.
Merstakebait on November 6th, 2004 12:49 am (UTC)
*hugs* Oh, love. It does exist. It just got outvoted, that's all. We're still here, all beleagered, depressed, outraged, lost 48 percent of us yearning to breathe free.