I hurt.

I'm sitting here in tears. I can't stop crying.

I feel like I did after 9/11. I have the same feeling of shock, of helplessness, of dread and horror.

I don't understand this. How bad do things have to get before people will want change?

At this point I'm hoping I'll die in a terrorist attack. I want the country to see that this idiot man will not protect them, can't protect them.

I want to run away. But I feel that that would be abandoning the people who feel like me, but who can't afford to leave. Who aren't skilled enough to leave.

I want to go to Canada, where my values are more in line with the prevailing views. I feel unwanted here. I want things to be better for all American citizens, but I feel like too many of them actively don't want things to be better.

I wonder if this is what being a parent is like. Having your teenage child hate you, when you only want what's best for them. Has anyone on my flist had this experience? Do you want to give up and just leave?

I assume it's love for the child that would make someone stay. I don't know if I love my country that much.

What I thought was America doesn't exist. And that hurts me a lot.

I don't know whether to stay and fight what appears to be a losing battle, or to cut my losses and run.

In any case, I'm going home tonight and quilting. When I get this one done, I'm starting on a new one. I'll keep quilting for others until I run out of fabric. Because it's something good I can do. It's constructive. It's positive. And no matter how much in ruins our country is, it can't stop me from helping other people.