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23 March 2006 @ 06:17 pm

My psych put me on 1.5 mg of Klonopin. It's not really helping with the restless legs, though, and it's dragging me the hell down. I've gotten nothing done for the last few days. I'm sleeping all the time, or else I'm sitting around reading. I have so little energy. And right now there are so many things to be excited about, and so many things I could be doing. Pirates goes up a week from tomorrow, and I'm so draggy that I'm actually considering skipping rehearsal and going to bed. I'm supposed to sew some costumes for the show, but I've done nothing on that front either. It's getting so I wonder if I should cut out the Klonopin entirely and just put up with the jerking and twitching for 2-3 hours before I finally fall asleep. (What triggers it? Beginning to fall asleep. So it's not like I can get it out of the way earlier in the evening.)

I'm so tired and upset with myself, I'm close to tears. I want to have energy, go to the gym, feel good about myself. I want to get things done. But every day there's just that exhaustion, complete lethargy.

Good news: on Tuesday I'm going to a legal placement firm and talking to them about temp work. This is temp as in secretarial or paralegal. I am not thrilled. But we need money coming in, and since Rob's not doing anything about it (whole nother rant right there) I have to step up.

*break for crying*

Okay. I'm going to cut down to 1 mg of the Klonopin, and step down to .5 mg in a few weeks. I won't be able to sleep, but maybe if I sleep in the guest bed, I won't feel so bad about all the jerking around I'm doing. And I can get up and walk back and forth through the house without disturbing anyone when my legs have to move. I might also go outside and run or walk around the house. I just can't take this complete sleepiness anymore. I want to to enjoy my life, and I'm sleeping through it.
High-velocity pie of death: callanishnixieq on March 23rd, 2006 03:42 pm (UTC)
this is why i just refused to go on the klonopin on a daily basis. my psych wanted me on .5 mg to 1 mg per day, as needed (i.e. take .5 and kick it up to 1 if the anxiety was really bad), but i'm just not interested. i'd rather suffer from regular insomnia and use it on an occasional basis than a) wind up dependent on a benzo, and b) wind up sleeping my life away, which is what i'm afraid will happen.

good luck, babe. you know we're all pulling for you, and you have my complete sympathy, having felt that kind of tiredness many times over the past few years, with or without meds. *hugs*
Elletheletterelle on March 23rd, 2006 03:50 pm (UTC)
*hugs you* Yeah, this feels almost exactly like depression. And I don't need meds to make me depressed. I do that well enough on my own.

I wish the meds for RLS didn't make me sick. And, y'know, worked all the time. Hell, maybe I'll try 'em again. I'd rather be vomiting once a month than dealing with this.

Heh, "Bela Lugosi's Dead" just came up on iTunes. I am so goffik.
Mary Lewys: Vintage-1mlewys on March 23rd, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC)
*big hug* Do what you think it right, darlin'. Love you!
muchtvs: Ryan and Kirsten Hugmuchtvs on March 23rd, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're going through this. Everything. Can't do much of anything but send you warm wishes of good luck with the job and take care of yourself. Are you going back to the doctor?
Elle: Dance of desiretheletterelle on March 24th, 2006 08:51 am (UTC)
Thank you. *hugs* I have an appointment for three weeks from now, and I know from experience it's really difficult to get appointments earlier. So I'll just hang on and go in in three weeks.